Self Esteem Is Beautiful

Have you noticed that a lot of our problems stem from lack of self esteem? Whenever I have experienced conflict, it almost always comes from a place of doubt and lack.

And have you noticed that the most beautiful women are the ones who exude quiet confidence, a passion for life, and an irresistible (and contagious) happiness? You can’t quite put your finger on it, but she’s the one that everyone is drawn to.

The bottom line is that when you feel good, you feel beautiful. So begins Om Aroma’s quest to learn more about Self Esteem and how you can learn to love yourself and the skin you’re in.

We are currently working on creating a 5-week Self Esteem is Beautiful program that we will take to elementary schools. How many of us would have loved to have learned some powerful tools about how to deal with childhood insecurities? We are also creating a program to go into shelters to give battered women facials to help them to feel beautiful once again.

I have asked some of the most beautiful women that I know about their quest for inner beauty through self esteem. Here is a collection of beautiful, humorous, poignant, and deeply touching stories that they have to tell.

- Angela Jia Kim
www.omaroma.com
www.angelajiakim.com

Om Aroma recently held a Mother Day Contest. The simple rule was to send us what you want your children to know about self esteem.  Thank you to everyone who sent in beautiful and touching entries.

And the winner is…

Will Craig of Washington Heights (New York City)!

I want my daughters to know that the concept of perfection is a ruse that keeps one trapped on an exhausting wheel of action.

I want my daughters to know that their most important human capacity in our intensifying, imperfect world is forgiveness, especially of themselves.

I want my daughters to know that their value is not based on their latest achievement or their ability to turn heads, but on their willingness to know truly and truly be known by those around them.

I want my daughters to know for themselves the unbounded depth of love, admiration, and acceptance that I feel for them, even as I challenge them.

I want my daughters to know beauty is that which pleases the mind, and invite them to create beauty with their minds by finding pleasure in themselves and their lives.

I want my daughters to know that they are all of, and only, who they think they are.

- Will Craig
Will Craig is an experienced educator, parent, and consultant. After a decade in classrooms, Will went home to care for his own preschoolers and the children of other families who also wanted a developed homemaker experience for their kids. He believes that taking the long view of ourselves, and our practices, as parents is the pathway to good parenting choices and parenting contentment. He is in love with Laurie Gerber, the mother of his daughters - this summer marks their 10th anniversary.

I’ve been growing my self-esteem all my life. When I was a child I was bone-thin, with fuzzy-curly hair; I was sensitive, needy and painfully shy. As a teenager, I used to sneak a dynel wig to high school and pin it on in the girl’s washroom before class. I painted on thick black eyeliner and ghostly lipstick (it was the 60’s!), in the hopes I’d look fashion-forward and beautiful, and get invited into the popular girls’ clique. (Never happened!) In my 20’s, the ugly duckling grew into a swan, and I became a lovely young actress. My passion for the theatre propelled me to take risks and my professional training gave me the skills I needed to come out of myself, yet I was still quivering inside, comparing myself to my competition, sure that I wasn’t really worth much. Self-esteem through all those years was dependant on the approval of others.

When I was 28 years old, my beloved sister died. Six months later my husband of seven years left me for another woman. For a while my self-esteem sunk so low, I felt like I should be walking around with a paper bag over my head. But life is too short for that nonsense, and even in my grief I came to realize that I could go down to my despair, or I could become a warrior on behalf of my own life. The choice was mine. There was something liberating in that. I took the opportunity to build a new identity for myself from the ground up, attribute by attribute, and become the woman I wanted to be. I sought out the friendships of women I admired, and learned from them; I read a lot of inspirational books, and established a healthy routine of caring for myself with proper nourishment and exercise. I fought for my self-esteem by trying and failing and starting over, many times.

My self-esteem now, at the age of 55, comes from knowing I can and will come through for myself. It comes from understanding that life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself, and loving what you create. My self-esteem also comes from recognizing that no matter what my circumstances, I always have the power to choose faith, joy, and gratitude every day, which in turn gives me strength.

I wish I’d known when I was growing up that self-esteem, and success, is a by-product of what happens when we are true to ourselves. My advice to women struggling with their self-esteem? Leave the nay-sayers alone to deal with their impoverished and limited views of what’s possible, or acceptable. Place your focus and energy on expanding your own capacities, living your passion.

- Heather Cariouu
Sixtyfive Roses: A Sister’s Memoir
www.sixtyfiverosesthebook.com
Target stores Recommended Read 2008
Books & Authors.net Best Memoir 2007
Globe and Mail Best 100 Books 2006
Foreword by Celine Dion
5% proceeds to CF Research Canada and US

Self-esteem is confidence and awareness of yourself as a beautiful person on the inside. I know that we are told that self-esteem comes from what we hear about ourselves from others. I have grown into the very fortunate place of feeling good about myself not from the feedback I receive in its entirety, but more from knowing that I am in the right place for me right now. This feeling has really come on with age. Through experience, I know that I am compassionate.

My own unbreakable rule is that I give back more than I take in this world. I live in an affluent area, and am surrounded by successful people, but my heart remains with those less fortunate. My self-esteem comes from knowing that I am bound to these people, and will do right by my own intelligence and success by serving them.

I wish I had known when I was growing up that we are all in our own race, and should not compare ourselves to another’s race. To excel, we all need to be free from the judgment of others. We must be true to the life intended for us to be at peace. Although my life today is very different from what I imagined it to be when I was growing up, I’ve learned that all of my experiences, run at my own pace, intended me to be right where I am today.

– Barbara Poole
Founder & President of Employaid, Inc.
www.employaid.com
We are your lifeline at work!

Self-Greening. For me, self esteem often comes from risk taking. Take sitting down to write this blog for example. I am not a blogger, in fact, I feel a bit out of step with the whole phenomenon and yet, who could resist being asked to write something on self esteem, flattering right? They asked me? Wow. What do I know? Not quite sure, but here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.

I’ve started recently to think about self esteem and the confidence that comes with it as my own renewable resource and, it’s up to me and only me to sustain it. The energy can only come from within. I know that when I try something new, it may be daunting but it is also thrilling and no matter what, I learn something and learning always boosts how I feel about myself. Thus, my self esteem engine is re-energized and ready for the next challenge.

It seems that just the act of trying triggers a positive reaction in my brain because no matter the outcome, I am taking action and not simply thinking about it. If I think too much there are too many reasons to stay standing still. Standing still is not sustainable long term. Self esteem can erode and wash away under these conditions. To stick with this very mixed up metaphor for just a while longer, our inner resources need care and attention.

I get a quick fix by prioritizing the care and attention of me. Again, this is action oriented. Carving out time for that facial, hair appointment or mani/pedi. Or, I re-organize my closet so that I can find what I’m looking for, but more importantly of late, I deliberately look for the things that make me feel great when I wear them and I give away the things that have negative associations. You know what I’m talking about. We all have our versions of that fabulous dress that never quite fit right, but will “someday.” Well I want to look and feel my best NOW because life is too short for anything less and my dreams of someday can’t survive alone in my closet.

These actions always renew me – not because they work from the outside in, but because I have given myself the time for them and successfully managed my schedule and my focus so that I can enjoy the moment and reap the rewards. Of course life gets in the way of these things, some risks don’t quite pay off (don’t get me stared on the rewards of supposed failure – but do look for them, they are there!) and I still fall prey to a busy schedule and that irresistible retail “bargain” that just might work, etc. But then I act.

And this is the one thing I really do wish I knew when I was younger, I am the person in charge of my resources, I must feed and nurture and challenge myself, I must build my reserves for the really big risks, I must keep myself green.

-Edie Demas

If self-help is a parade, self-esteem is its ticker tape.

That parade has been more entertaining in my life than anything I’ve ever seen on Thanksgiving Day. I wasted far too much time watching it go by as a high school student. I was about 60lbs overweight and an active member of the Drama Club who couldn’t wait to be a philosophy major in college. (Yeah, it was like THAT.) My heart would break as self-esteem rained down on its marching bands of genetically perfect cheerleaders and football players, yet always missed me waving my arms over on the sidelines. I was certain that if some of the good stuff landed on me all of my problems would be solved. I needed to get me a spot in that parade!

So after college I read every self-help book there was and took copious notes. I hit my ideal weight on a healthy diet and even ran the New York City marathon. Not only was I marching in that parade… pffff, I was its Grand Marshall! But strangely enough, I didn’t feel that much different. In fact, all of the life goals I willed myself to accomplish meant nothing without the right perspective. And all of the people I’d ever seen who I assumed had it all together were just as scared and confused as I was! I just didn’t see it from way off on the sidelines.

Great. Now what?!

I realized that the ticker tape couldn’t possibly be self-esteem. It doesn’t come raining down from the outside with goals accomplished, small validations and ideal body weights. Because no matter how great those things may feel at the time, they will always come to an end. Authentic self-esteem is the total faith that no matter what happens in life, the original and excellent person you already are this moment will not only get you by, but move you forward. Self-esteem is immeasurably strong, totally limitless and completely unique to each person. If you have self-esteem it means that you see the REAL you, for the glorious unique mess you are…and you freaking love it.

This is the belief that makes you truly sexy in that indescribable way; when you’re wearing your favorite dress, but even more when you’re in the same ratty t-shirt and jeans from the day before. You are not on the sidelines of the parade….please, you’re not even marching in it. You ARE the parade; marching bands, floats, grand marshall and all. And you take your ticker tape and sprinkle it on anyone who is lucky enough to pass by.

Please be sure to hit me with some of it as I walk by. I promise to do the same.

-Sarah Jackson
Writer/producer
www.sarahcentric.com

I think self-esteem means that you enjoy being you — that you understand who you are, where you’ve been and where you’re going. That one’s learned to have fun, not take the knocks so hard.. and its also about being as kind to yourself as you are toward others.By being patient, compassionate, gentle and generous with ourselves, we become kinder with everyone we encounter and life feels easier and more natural.

I’ve see my personal and business relationships taking on a richer experience as I relate to others with patience and kindness. Of course its not our first instinct to always be this way, but with a little effort it becomes second nature. Its a circle that keeps improving.

Personally, I’ve found my confidence has grown as I’ve gotten older, not only because I’ve met many of the goals I set out to accomplish but because I’ve grown to understand and be in awe of what it means to just be a human being, gifted with a body and soul that effortlessly supports us along the way. We have to find ways to nurture and treasure our uniqueness and differences, and to enjoy the game of life!

- Teri Bloom
NYC Photojournalist
www.teribloom.com

Teri Bloom is an award-winning Photojournalist in New York City. For over fifteen years, she’s covered an exciting and diverse range of photography assignments throughout the tri-state area. Originally a news photographer and photojournalist, her specialties include portraiture for magazines, websites and annual reports, as well as photojournalistic wedding and special event photography.

A mentor of mine once told me that one of the keys to presenting a convincing argument is to counter objections with thoughtful questions rather than rehearsed answers.

As a business woman this lesson is easy to apply. When investors recently question if they should put their faith in a relatively young business leader such as myself, rather than rattle back a rehearsed response, I asked why they thought a young business founder would be any less capable of providing the energy, vision, dedication and tenacity than an older entrepreneur.

In a business setting, it is easy to see how asking questions can lead to a better understanding between two parties, and as a business person, this is one of my favorite sales techniques. But as a woman, asking questions of my doubters is equally important, especially when the skeptic is staring out at me from the mirror. In fact, asking thoughtful questions of myself is my key to self-confidence.

When I am doubtful of my ability to build a company that seems so much bigger than I could ever be, I stop and ask, “But what if you just take it day by day? Can you accomplish that?” And when I am doubtful that look the way I want, I turn inward and ask, “What am I really worried about–that people won’t like this outfit, or that they won’t like what I have to say?”

I have found that by asking questions of myself, more often than not the objections crack open and fall away, allowing my self-confidence to shine through. My self-confidence secret weapon is an arsenal of probing questions which, I have found, are as effective at convincing doubtful investors to see the value in my company, as they are at making me see the value in my own greatest investment: Me.

-Lauren Tanick, 23
Founder and CEO, Ella Pearl
Ella Pearl is a fashion line carrying dresses for the 21st Century Woman.
Shop our dresses and design your own at EllaPearl.com launching April 2008.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.- ER

As a life long athlete, I have been blessed with excellent coaches. They always found the good in what ever I was attempting to do whether it was platform diving or fencing.

Now as an avid golfer, the game presents many lessons every time I play. While it is an intensely physical game it is also a total mental game. Getting to and staying in the correct mental zone is critical. A sloppy swing ingrains sloppy thinking.

Golf teaches us life lessons like Body Language- what does your stride and posture say about you?

Turn Down the Volume- what inside-head talks are you having? Is it positive or do I need to turn down the volume?

Playing this sport brings patience and forgiveness to the forefront. Sometimes there are just rude players on the courses; forgive them and don’t buy into their baggage.

Play your own game.

- Victoria Vernon
Sales Representative
Om Aroma & Co.
www.omaroma.com

Possessing self esteem means possessing the power to honor and respect others as you also honor and respect yourself. A woman with self esteem loves and regards her neighbor as she loves and regards herself. Self esteem is abundant power under great control.

I was abandoned as a baby and lived in an orphanage until I was two years old. I was adopted by a loving family but was molested as a very young girl (not by a family member). As a result, I have many reasons to have unhealthy self esteem. Today, however, I am a testament to God’s power to heal the most broken of hearts. What has helped most is a strong and ongoing relationship with and commitment to God, who empowers me to use my experiences to remind other women of their own special greatness, and then equip them to do the same for others.

I want my daughter to know that confidence can be used by a woman to build up or to tear down, and only she can choose which force in the world she will be. I want her to understand the distinction between feeling innately good about herself and belitting or humiliating others so that she might feel good about herself. I want her to understand that how she chooses to exercise her confidence in this world will define her legacy, and that a truly confident woman finds great joy in encouraging the confidence and self esteem of others.

- Donna Maria Coles Johnson
www.indiebeauty.com

Donna Maria is an award winning, nationally recognized speaker and author, and an expert in the growing field of business as a lifestyle. As a wife, mother, attorney and entrepreneur, her life’s mission is to help other families launch businesses that allow them to also enjoy the benefits of entrepreneurship, service, independence, flexibility and fun.